Ever since I can remember I have woken up early, maybe from the days in the Coast Guard...5 AM is the usual every day. It's just happens; no alarm, there's nothing that needs to get done at that time. Even on days where there's a reason to get up even earlier, my internal clock and brain somehow synchronize and I find myself waking up on time or just a few minutes earlier than the "just in case" alarm. I make the most of this time by ridding Babe and I of chores, reading, working out, or writing down my thoughts on this blog. ;)
Every morning is mostly the same ritual. I wake up, get out of bed, "water the plants", take my pills, grab my phone (etc.), and make my way out of the bedroom. All this under the cloak of darkness and silence. Like a ninja without a cloud of smoke, I usually accomplish this without a hitch. But on occasion my silence is for not and not just a little. See when I fail in my "radio silence "attempts ' I go all the way. I make sure I wake up the dead.
Just the other morning I awoke in the normal fashion, like a switch just turns on my mind. Oh, I forgot to mention, I rarely remember my dreams. I go to bed and everything shuts off then I get switched on. There's no in between. But as I was saying, I woke up and did my thing. In total darkness and silence I made my way around the master bedroom like a vampire hidden from the moonlight; invisible both visually and audibly. I didn't cast a shadow, my footsteps didn't make a sound, and I'm sure the mirror wouldn't show my reflection. Continuing in my Draculian ways I proceed to my night table to get my not so vampire-like iPhone, and there my mortality betrayed me. Stumbling as if mimicking a 16 year old boy on a first date I knocked over a glass of water, which I still almost caught (yes night vision), it fell to the floor and shattered into pieces. My prey, I mean Babe, shot up out of bed wondering what had happened. I weaved my way around my broken pieces of failure to Babe's side of the bed and assured her it was nothing, all is good, kissed her, and told her to just go back to sleep...very much like my immortal counter-parts do. ;) I then went on and out into the dark house and began the day.
Sometimes being too careful, being too cautious lead to results you aren't looking for. Sure I think I leave my bedroom without making a sound, but there are plenty of times when I thought I escaped detection only to find out from Babe that the second I left I woke her up. Sometimes not being yourself will also result in undesired conclusions. Can you imagine living your life as someone else? Being someone you're not due to self-esteem or to please another? You got to be you. Sure there are situations where we have to play the game and appear more professional, for work for example, but I am talking about at home, with friends, with family. If for whatever imaginary reason you're wearing more than one mask in these situations you are not happy regardless of what you try to convince yourself of. Personally I like to have fun. I poke and prod in good fun and in jest. And while there are times I push a little more than most and bannish myself from the daylight, I see the cloves of garlic I have hung around people and situations, where I just won't go. Besides I've imprinted on Babe the only person who I am totally me with, forever till eternity. However, I see people every day who live a sham, who try to be someone they're not. I sense it. The key is realizing that happiness comes through in the form of acceptance. Accepting yourself for you, accepting others for who they are, and find the Bella or Edward who will accept you.
We are not immortals trapped in a soul cage in some undesired life, we do cast shadows, our noisy feet do leave imprints, and our mirrors do cast a reflection. We must let the shadows we cast not be of doubt, let others see and hear our foot prints, and most importantly look in the mirror and be that reflection.
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